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I have been feeling it, ignoring it because I do not know what to do, or if I can do something. I see no outlets and I have been riding the wave hoping it will come to and end before it causes too much damage. The last 5 days has been more obvious, but today there is no denying it. The thirst, the hunger, the exhaustion, the inability to complete anything, the blurry vision. Its been a few months since I have been able to take meds, 5 months since I could take my meds regularly as prescribed. I have gained almost 20 lbs in the last 3 months. I cant see what written on the board at school, I am so tired I can’t focus on the lectures, my head hurts, and I am constantly thirsty and hungry…I know this vicious cycle and I am absolutely pissed that I cannot afford to buy meds because of everything that has happened to lead me to this point.
A new resentment has formed! He wasn’t a provider then, why would I have deluded myself to think he would be a provider now, but the extent of his fuckery has brought me to a new reality. Maybe I resent myself more for having faith in him instead of just my higher power… A weakness on my part. My ignorance has not been bliss, and now I am paying the price, I risk so much and I do not know how to get out of the whirlpool. I sink more everyday, into the abyss. I have new wings but the waters weigh them down and try as I might I can’t make head way, I can’t fly. All the good things that have pacified me, and have made me think I was making progress are just a distraction while I sank further, they will only be tangible if I can treat this other malady.
I wonder why there are so many things, why not just one disease…that one is hard enough and can also take my life. But two??? All I can do is pray, but as I chant and know I must let go of this too, I fear that what little grasp I have, and has been slowly slipping through my fingers will not return. It requires faith to let go completely and look where misplaced faith has gotten me up to now?
Rhino killings surge to an average of more than 5 a day last week
Last week an average of more than 5 rhino a day were killed in South Africa. The South African government has just released the rhino statistics covering the last week and there has been a shocking surge in rhino poaching. So far this year 350 rhino have been killed that’s 37 up on last…
I love this pic, these guys are about as common as unicorns, so this is a rare treat! I wonder where and when it was taken, as in what time of day.
I love the female in the foreground with her broken tusk! I wonder where this was taken and is she had an ID????
Animals on We Heart It - http://weheartit.com/entry/21864622/via/Blondiiniite
My fantastic doggy
She looks a lot like my Kabo bear…I miss her so much!!!
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